Dad had been dead for about a month now.
Email Nov. 7th:
Mom's insurance will end 11/30. I am working on getting her another plan or at least
finding out about it. She can opt in to Medicare Senior Advantage Jan.1st, but she will need coverage between 11/30 and Jan. 1st. Dan, I know you are also looking into this.
I think her antidepressant has kicked in. She seems more level. She says no one is stealing from her since her locks are changed. But she did tell me her sisters stole all her hats when they were here 5 years ago. I asked her why they would do that and she replied, "They are all THIEVES.” (????)
Just updating you all! Sandy
An email 11/10/11 from Cindy (edited)
Remember, at one point we did go through her drawers to find checkbooks, policies, Dad's clothing, etc. I did go through her pantry and refrigerator and throw away 2 huge bags of way-expired stuff. I did buy a few things that I though she needed (cotton balls, witch hazel, a bag of already-cooked Tyson frozen chicken), etc. Maybe Sandy or Brenda or Daniel has done something similar. I told her that I did these things; full disclosure is the only way to go here.
Changing the locks with NO ONE having the key was the only way that this could be solidly stopped.
She can no longer accuse anyone in the family of theft. She will have to file a complaint with the police if anything is missing. Did anyone find out where the tractor went? Has anyone filed a police report on that? That is major screwed up.
You are wonderful to go to her house and write out her bills in her presence. Mom just wants to be in control once in her life. Having a watchful eye is the best that you can do. If a serious red flag goes up, then it will be time to intercede.
Taking her to her appointments and looking in on her is wonderful, too. I wish that I could be there to to that. What I worry about is Mom driving one day and not being lucky. I don't even want to think that out loud. No one has ever mentioned that her drivers license be taken away, right? I think that will be a red flag when it happens.
Thank you for the updates on Mom. And Dan, you get better, too.
love, Cyn
Brenda and I were having to step up and do some things for her. Brenda was taking care of the doctor visits and her medicine, I was helping with the bills. Mom accused me of stealing money from her. She canceled a bank account and took my name off it. She was thinking all of us were after her things. She forgot to pay her car and house insurance. I found a notice and asked her about it and she was really nasty and told me she didn’t need my help. I was really hurt that my mother would think I would steal from her.
I was thinking maybe she should not be alone, driving, or conducting her affairs. She wanted nothing to do with going anywhere but where she was. Apparently she really needed the antidepressant.
Email Nov. 10th
Mom is getting better since she knows no one is entering her home without her knowledge. Just today she found her pink sweater that she told me Sandy must have taken. I said, "See, Mom, I told you that you just misplaced it " and she agreed. I rescheduled Mom's eye surgery for 12-14 so I can take her since I have a dental appt on 12-7. She is going to Ga. to visit her family over Thanksgiving and plans to stay 2 weeks. When she gets back, she needs another pre-op and then her surgery on the 14th. I'll keep in touch- Bren
My mother was born in Columbus, Georgia. She moved to Ohio when she was about 19 years old. Then she met my father and they got married. She visited Georgia and Alabama a few times over the years. Columbus is on the border of Alabama, so some family lives there. She had some contact with her family and some of them came for a family reunion to Ohio in the early 2000’s. That was only the second time I ever saw her family members.
After Harry died, mom decided she wanted to go to Georgia. For years she talked about moving there some day, but that didn’t seem realistic. She wanted to visit her brothers and sisters. So she did, and she had a wonderful time. They showered her with love and affection. It was good medicine to her hurting soul. She went over the Thanksgiving holiday and got to see everyone she wanted.
12/8/11
Hi my Sisters and Brother!
I talked to mom last night. She has every intention of moving to Alabama. I just listened. I knew this was coming. I told her that she and dad had an "unsocial life" and I figured she would not like it when he passed.
Don't get excited-she isn't going there just yet. It seems that there is "more family" there and she thinks her social life will be better, she can see her sisters and there are lots of relatives. I told her it was Thanksgiving and probably not like that all the time-she said, "It WAS."
What she didn't acknowledge is that she cannot remember anything. I said, "Isn't it going to be difficult getting around driving and you will have to learn a new city? She has an answer for everything. She said it's a small town and she knows it by heart. How can a town not change in 64 years (this is sarcastic me) and she says it's the same. They tried to sell her a home that was new (built by a relative) but it was not in a nice neighborhood.
I have dealt with mom and her finances and some of her health issues. I think it is NOT a good idea. My psychologist said it is not a good idea as well...but how are we going to stop her? But we either have to just let her GO or make her feel as loved and cared for as possible. I opt for #2 for right now. I don't know how long her life will be...She has a funeral plot here. But she has been saying she will go south for years. She said we never visit her. Not totally true. San
12/8 later that day
Hi-
When Mom came home from Georgia, she told me she remembered a conversation she had with Dad a while back(maybe even as far back as 2001 when dad had his shoulder surgery). He said if anything happened and he should die, that she should promise not to do anything big like sell the house for at least a year. She seemed to think that was a good idea. We just need to call Mom often and try to see her a bit more so she doesn't get any crazy ideas. I will have Christmas dinner and invited mom but she said she might be doing something with Danny. Danny, you and Connie are invited to our house if you like for Christmas dinner as well. Let me know what is going on. Brenda
THANK GOD MY DAD HAD THIS CONVERSATION WITH HER!!! It helped a lot in the months to come. This was the ONLY voice of reason in her head. She would have moved in a heartbeat.
I began to call her youngest sister and so did Dan. We tried to underscore how difficult it would be to have her move there in her state of mind. I told them that mom had dementia and paranoid type symptoms. I told her she would have to take care of my mother if she moved there. I know that she listened, because in the next few months mom stopped talking about moving there altogether. All of us kids tried to talk her out of it as often as we could. Being in a state of grief and making a major moving decision would not have been a good idea.
Whew!
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