How did we find a Handyman and a Nurse combined?

Our dad was really a Mr. Fixit and a handy guy in every way. One day the garage door spring broke and they didn’t go anywhere because the garage door would not open. My husband offered to help and dad got really angry. He realized he could no longer fix some of the things around the home. Months later I remember calling a plumber because dad acted like he had no idea how to repair the leaking pipe. They were just not used to asking for any help or calling any repairmen. 

Dad also seemed like he was even shutting down more socially, mostly because he had a hearing problem and his sight wasn’t very good.  We began to realize he could not be left alone. If he were to fall, we had to have someone there with him. He also left a burner on the stove on high and walked away. Mom had to stay home most of the time.

We called a service that sent a “health care worker” to their home. Mom needed a chance to get out once in awhile. Most of us worked, so we thought this could be a good option and it could be scheduled. The minimum amount of time for someone to come to your home is 4 hours, at least when we checked. It also started at $20 an hour.  Mostly this overweight 18 year old girl sat on the couch and just talked. Mom treated her like a guest, and that wasn’t why she was there. She only came a few times. This was a bad idea. It also was a terrible mismatch for my father. We found out there are very few male nurses who work in this profession.  He needed someone to care for him and have a conversation.

Then Dad did not want to bathe. He had always been very particular about his appearance, but this did not seem to faze him. We tried to get a nurse over to bathe him, but he refused to cooperate. He was still able to perform most tasks like getting dressed and eating.

Having a health care provider come to your home around the clock actually costs more than a nursing home. We knew dad was at the point of needing assistance, but mom wanted him home. Dad used to say, “They are going to take me out of this house in a box.” He wanted nothing to do with any place that was not his home.

Even though they lived in a ranch, the living room had 1 step down. Dad needed grab bars. My brother had an in-law, Ted, who was extremely handy, and he was a nurse. We hired Ted to make the repairs in the home that were needed. If Dad needed any help, Ted was there. He was out of work, so it was the perfect match. He installed bars in the shower and  fixed the broken tiles. It was a great solution to the problem at the time. He fixed the toilet height  and made everything handicapped accessible. 

This combination of handy man and nurse was a match made in heaven. Dad liked having a guy around.  Too bad it did not last for too long. Ted left town and we were in a position to find help again. 

This in-between stage is painful. The person who needs help never seems to know it. My mother didn’t really want anyone in the house. At least when someone was there she could go to the store. She really needed to get out of the house. Caregiving is one of the most stressful jobs in the world, even if it is for someone  you love.