Why we LAUGHED at the funeral...Not what you might think.

I was the only “child” to see him before he died. I have NEVER felt guilty, not for 1 minute. I am so glad I got to visit him before he passed. Cindy lives in Florida. She was taking her state final to be an optician. Bad timing, for sure. Brenda was out of town on a vacation.  My brother had just returned from Europe,  battling a blood clot he had developed on the trip. Everyone was angry when I called them to inform them of the death. Those were terrible phone calls to make. 

I had to arrange the funeral because I was the only one there.  My best advice is to PRE-PLAN your parent’s funerals! It is so much easier and less stressful. We pre-planned my father-in-law’s funeral and it was so easy. THIS was a gut wrenching experience. 

There was no one but me to try and comfort my mother. She was like a zombie. It was a complete surprise to her that he died, and she did not know what to do. As we were at the funeral home, stressed beyond comprehension, I kept getting calls asking questions and challenging all the arrangements. I tell people that a family member wanted us to go to “CASKETS R US” and not buy our casket there. I was ready to start screaming. I vowed never to wait until my mom died to make arrangements for her, and let someone else be in charge. Not me. This was one of the most horrible experiences I have ever had. I felt helpless and powerless to help my mom, love her, and make good decisions while I was struggling as well. I never had a warm and fuzzy relationship with her, and lately all she had done was accuse me of stealing and coming into here home when she was gone. This was the worst day of my life. I wasn’t even sad dad had died. It was almost a relief, yet I wanted to be sensitive to her. We postponed the funeral for 7 days so Cindy and Brenda could be in town for the services.

Note: Funeral homes make most of their money on the caskets. There are other ways to save money, which will be detailed later in the book. I talked to a former funeral director and he gave me some great tips.

The funeral itself was nice. LOTS of people showed up, mostly friends and co workers. My brother was unable to attend, because he was in the hospital for almost a month due to the blood clots. Because he was hospitalized, I asked the director if we could hook up to Skype so Dan could see what was going on. It was the first time they had ever done anything like that. We set up the laptop and people who were Dan’s friends and clients paid their respects and talked to my brother on the computer screen. Luckily there was a young man at the hospital who helped Dan set up a connection on his end. His long time friend, George, made sure people talked with Dan and didn’t miss him. It was really good we did that.

I can only imagine how awful my brother felt not being present at this time. Even though he had a difficult relationship with Dad, he still wanted to be there. It was extremely painful for Dan to not be there, which we found out during the service.

A mass was performed at the funeral home at my mom’s request. The priest had never met my parents. Luckily my sister is Catholic. The priest began to talk about Harry’s life and family. My mother had given him a lot of information to use in the eulogy.

Apparently, Dan was overwhelmed and beside himself. I think he felt guilty and angry, all at once.  He had no idea that people could hear what he was saying on the speaker of the laptop. All of a sudden we heard loud sobs and the F word, repeatedly. “Oh F…Oh F… Oh f…”  We could hear my brother swearing on Skype, louder than the priest.  (It was very surprising to hear that during “church.”) 

At first I thought, “Is he saying F…?” Then his wife LEAPED  out of her chair and ran to the laptop, turning the volume completely off.  I felt really bad for Dan, but it was SO funny because that is not supposed to happen at such a solemn moment. We all had to compose ourselves. It reminded me of a sitcom I once watched where someone started to giggle at a funeral and could not stop.

When the priest stopped, my sister, Cindy, gave a very nice talk about our childhood and some memories. I think Dad would have been glad that she found such nice things to say.

We buried Dad the next day. It was just us 3 kids, my mom, and Dad’s only surviving sibling, Tina. We even got a “buy 1, get 1 free” gravesite because Dad was a Veteran and there was a special going on that October.  Brenda  ordered a lovely headstone that had both parent’s names on it. It is really creepy to see someone’s name on a headstone before they are deceased. (mom) It was just another “better deal” so that is how it was purchased.  We did not put the stone in the ground until the following year, when it was ready.

Little did we know more difficult challenges with MOM were ahead.